tight embrace of a hug

I find myself talking to Wally on a regular basis and more often than not I know just exactly what his response would be. It makes me smile because he always had a witty and timely response for just about anything you threw his way. His humour and quick wit was one of the many things I adored about him, and I can honestly say that I couldn’t keep up with it.

Over the past couple weeks I have started to waddle my way out of the denial stage and have begun to accept that Wally in his physical self is gone. With this has come a significant increase (whoa I sound like a scientist) in sadness and crying. Which is not always a bad thing, as crying is necessary for the grieving process to move forward. Luckily, I am now back home and get the attention of my loving mom whenever I need it. But I know that over time the waves will become less frequent and their strength less strong.

Since being back I have had the opportunity to meet with someone, who like me lost their partner to a tragic accident. I was amazed when I first became aware of our commonality for two reasons, the first was: before experiencing this loss I didn’t realize how frequently tragedies like these actually occur. And secondly, I was shocked to find out that we were both dealing with our loss in similar ways. Like me, Charles has started a blog (check out his blog at: http://charlesmulhern.blogspot.ca/) about what he learned from his partner, Edyta (beautiful name!). He’s a natural born philosopher (in person and in his blog) so he’s got quite a skill with words. The most interesting part is that I can pick out many parallels within our posts; which are merely just worded differently to suit our writing styles and personal experiences. But very cool to see!

When we finally met I found comfort in being around someone who knew just exactly what I was going through. Half the time I found we were both saying “EXACTLY” or “oh me too”. It was a nice change. Now unlike Charles, I have come to realize that some of my friends just can’t seem to comprehend why some days I NEED to cry my eyes out or that I allow myself to feel sad. I know they mean well and I love them for being there but my advice to anyone who is trying to provide comfort is do not lecture or try to provide advice on what you think someone should do to feel better, because it is in no way helpful, in time they will learn to cope through their own methods. But I emphasize their time. The best thing someone could do for me during the times when sadness overtakes me is to just be around to make me smile, laugh or just to listen to me. It’s hard to understand but usually the best kind of support doesn’t come in verbal form but comes from the tight embrace of a hug.

I started a memorial group on facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/288102741302684/?fref=ts) because I really find comfort in hearing the stories that people have to say about Walter. And even though I sit there and cry while I read every single one of them it just solidifies what an amazing person he was. Only a few people have posted so far but I hope as time goes on more people will be open to the idea of sharing their stories about him.

Godspeed.