March 5, 2011
To Rachel:
It has been one of the toughest weeks of my life. The thought of never seeing your face and hearing your laugh again festers a feeling of anger deep in my soul. You brought so much love into this world, so much happiness. I take pride in the fact that you touched so many. At your funeral there were too many people to count.
You have made me a better person, and have truly made a difference in my life. You have shown me that I should fight to be the best I can be. Oh how I want to be like you in so many ways. I plan to knit, crochet and garden. I want to write more letters to friends and family and do more selfless acts of kindness to ensure that everyone in my life feels loved. I think that is one of the most important gifts you have given me. You lived a life that was so true to you, and like your Mom said at your funeral 'you didn't collect stamps or baseball cards, you collected people' and yesterday was a true testament to that. It was beautiful, and you were beautiful, inside and out.
We didn't know it but that pebble that seemed to be in your way of recovery was really a mountain. I have so many questions for you, but I know I will never get answers to them. The only comfort I can muster is from the belief that whatever higher power there is out there, he or she took you because you had served your purpose in this world. You were here to shine the light on what living life really meant. You opened your heart willingly to every person who crossed your path and by doing so you have been a true martyr for life. I know that if there were more golden people like you in the world it would be a better place.
I know all of what I say is true, and I wish I had told you these things, but I wish a lot of things. I wish I had more memories of you, and pictures and time. But I can't have those things and I never will, so from here on in there is no such thing as loving too much, giving too much or taking too many pictures. Because we only have today and tomorrows road is never certain.
I'm not you and can't expect to be as nearly special as you were, but if I can touch the world in some way, I just hope that it means I will have made you a proud friend and sister.
I'll love you always.
Callie
