I'm BACK

I don’t know why but apparently there was some suspicious activity on my gmail account so they deactivated my email and blog for a couple of days. Anyways so I’m back. On a sadder note, I just got news that another tragedy has struck the people I care about. A young man is in hospital after a car accident. My love and positive energy is being sent to this young man across the country, I wish the family can find strength in this and push through it.

Now I know this isn’t the way to live but I have noticed that I have become a little more afraid of living. I find myself looking behind corners to see if death is there to meet me or someone else that I love. I'm petrified. I'm aware that this isn’t a good way to think because what you fear usually comes to meet you, law of attraction. So I shouldn’t be obsessing about it but I take stimulations around me and formulate situations where I would have to help someone. I’m sick of playing life saver, I guess that’s why I fear it. Note to self: don’t fear tomorrow, live life as freely as you did before.

My mom was up this weekend and we had a spectacular time!! It makes me realize how much I really miss home and being near my support system. I was very anxious by the time she had to leave because I really feared being alone again. We took lots of pictures (reference to lesson #2). We talked a lot and walked a few hiking trails. Her and I have a very special bond, and I’m so very grateful for it. Love you Ma!

Lesson #4 – First and last time

Mom and I found a good quote this weekend, and even though it’s not something I’ve implemented constantly in my life I think it’s something I will start to try and do. The quote is “may you look at everything as if you were seeing it for the very first and very last time”. I immediately think of Rach and Wally when I read this, not because I regret not saying something to them – as they both knew I loved them (I wear my heart on my sleeve), but it reminds me of them because I would have held them longer and tighter the last time I saw them. I think if we’re able to maintain the sense of excitement when we see things or people – even if it’s everyday, we really learn to enjoy all the little things that life has to offer. After Wally’s funeral I approached one of his close friends, him and I had a good chat and exchanged a few memories. As he was leaving I told him to make sure he took the time to make love to his wife and to do it as often as possible. He laughed at me and revealed that they had done just that earlier that morning. I smiled because I knew that through losing Wally this friend may have realized that maybe he was taking something’s in life for granted. Now obviously this fellow will remain nameless, but it really applies to everyone! Not just those with partners, it could be kissing your parents goodbye (I know some teenagers think it’s not cool but common your parents LOVE it!!), or taking that extra time to go see your grandparents who you haven’t seen for months. We have to stop taking our time for granted because tomorrow’s road is never certain.

Now I know this isn't a lesson, but I want to briefly describe some of my experiences with the spirit world (so crazy stuff, I promise). My belief is that they stay with us, and protect us from certain levels of harm. I don't feel them or hear them but sometimes I find myself talking to Rach and Wally, and I know I'm not crazy cause they're there listening. I've also recognized a few distinct signs within the past couple of weeks. One morning after a restless sleep I awoke and was very upset, I just knew that day was going to be a hard one (my grieving comes in waves). I started getting ready for work and was browsing the cupboards for a travel mug for my tea. Lo and behold, I find a few and I grab the first one I see. As I'm sitting at the table I turn it around and what do I see written on the side of the cup, DeWalt. I started to cry and laugh at the same time. My conclusion is that I know he didn't pick it up and put the mug there, but I believe that we're guided to these things. Here's another one. Mom and I were coming back from our adventures this weekend and we decided to stop at one of the art museums. Now I wasn't too keen on stopping but I initiated going to this one anyways, I figured that my Mom would like it and maybe I could find something to buy. I hop out of the car and see this (see picture below). 

My mouth dropped and I laughed so hard. My Mom couldn't believe it either, like seriously what are the chances?? It's obvious Wally had a sense of humour to those of you who didn't know him. I now like to say he was full of shit! No pun intended ;) Oh and another good story where I felt both of their presence the strongest was at the end of August. I was on Rachel's family's farm picking tomatoes for Mama Spearing. After I was finished I started walking back to the house with the two very large and heavy buckets. I walked past the pond, stopped and then put my butt into reverse, looked over to the pond and put down the buckets. In that moment I felt as if the two of them were there egging me on to go in. A) because Wally loved water, and he always bugged me that I didn't go in when it was cold and B) because I was in my jeans and t-shirt, meaning I'd have to take them off and go in my bra and underware (Rachel was the closest thing to a nudest so she'd be proud I did it). So each for their own motives I was forced to man up and swim across the pond. I went in (alone physically) and laughed the entire way across the pond and as I ran back to my clothes. It was in that experience that I didn't feel alone, I felt like they were there with me. But once I returned to my clothes I realized I was alone and the activity kind of lost it's novelty. I hope you guys like them. I know that they give me at least a little bit of comfort. 

If you've lost a loved one, take the time to try and recognize these signs, but don't obsess and don't think they will be obvious. Just be open to the idea of messages.

Live life one day at a time and may a rainbow follow every storm.